That’s not a headline, it’s the creepiest junk mailer I have ever received. This was just too bizarre and too hilariously creepy not to share.
I tend to get quite a bit of church and religion-related direct mail; in part because of my job and in part because I’m on the membership rolls of several right-wing organizations I like to keep an eye one. Most of it falls into two categories: “give us money to defeat the nefarious plans of the secular humanist neo-pagans,” and “give us money to save the children/minister to heathens.”
I knew this one was special the minute I picked up the envelope, which was covered with heavy black-inked, red-underlined letters, and read something like a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s soap, with lots of red underlining and bold text for emphasis.
Inside was a letter, headed: “Dear someone connected with this address,” and described all the wonderful, miraculous things that would happen if I utilized the “Bible, Faith, Church Prayer Rug” enclosed. I was directed to perform a little ritual with the enclosed “Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug:”
“After you kneel on this Church Prayer Rug,” it instructed, “or place it over your knees, place it in a Bible, on Philippians 4:19. ” It goes on to warn “Leave It There No Longer Than Tonight Only! God sees.” It then instructs me to return this folded newsprint “rug” (which I will describe momentarily), “in the morning it is a must that you get this unusual blessing Church Prayer Rug out of this house and back to us, here at the church’s chapel prayer room, in faith. We must also have this letter back.” 
Of course, I couldn’t wait to see what this “miraculous” “Bible Faith Church Rug” looked like, so I opened it up to reveal a garish, poster-sized, disembodied weeping purple Jesus head…but this was no ordinary purple Jesus- “Look into Jesus’ eyes you will see they are closed. But as you continue to look you will see His eyes opening.” Concealed in the “closed” eyes of Purple Jesus are two faint purple irises…and Purple Jesus is ever-so-slightly cross-eyed. The “rug” goes on to repeat the earlier instructions and warns me not to keep it- someone else NEEDS it! At this point, I’m wondering if I should wash my hands…
Also included in this bizarre mailer is an envelope marked “This is the next MORNING,” addressed to an Oklahoma PO Box, and two pages of (obligatory) testimonials, but nothing nearly so fun as the cross-eyed purple Jesus, who I’ve hung over my desk to cheer up my Monks.
After a little checking, I find that Purple Jesus is the brainchild of LA millionaire James Eugene Ewing, who apparently lives very high on the hog with the money raised “praying” for millions of suckers impressed enough by the staring eyes of Purple Jesus to send him money…which of course offends the competition to no end.
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